2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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