My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
this will be a night to untag.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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