Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I will die if light touches me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
