You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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