My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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