I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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