Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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