I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
