I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
