I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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