i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he's single and there are thong briefs.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
