Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
