if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Never underestimate the power of titties
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
