did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
