yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
