Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
