i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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