Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
