I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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