where does the pee come out of this thing
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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