Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
