Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
