I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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