it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
