i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
