$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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