My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
