Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
