When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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