he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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