So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
