i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
