I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
