My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
