her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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