i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
