He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
