You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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