Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
