I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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