Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Please don't give away my fajitas
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
