we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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