Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
