why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
