This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
