I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
