I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
