Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
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