Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
