I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
