i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
