I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Of course I have a pirate flag
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
