Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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