i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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