Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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