So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize