i jhust puked up my retainher.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Did I show you my penis last night?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize