It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
