So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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