I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I could make wine with my vomit
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
