Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
