I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
