..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
