Umm I'm too high to move.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
