He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
