How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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