I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We left the knife in your bed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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