So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
