you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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