also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
