I bet he comes in French.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
