you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
