Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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