Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
