Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
