You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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