ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
