dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
