I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
