yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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