Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
