If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
