just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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