Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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