Screwed.edu
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
