Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
